do you ever feel like you just want to be lovers with someone, immediately? Skip the first dates, the awkward silences, and the games you intend not to play (but still do), in hopes that someone will find you interesting and lovable? I have been feeling way too impatient to start over, which is terrible, so what options am I left with?
Is it totally inappropriate to have a date start in the bedroom, and then afterwards, engage in the sweetest pillow talk and then make plans to have dinner or drinks or even order in and just eat in bed? Or better yet, go out for an organic breakfast after making out and listening to records all morning! Or is it better to wonder about the sexual chemistry and prolong everything just to pretend you aren't a total whore?
There is this scene in Broken English when Parker Posey and that french guy just become lovers, and truly intimate, and they lose each other only to find each other again on a train in Paris. Sign me up for that, and not some shitty first date that feels like a job interview (and I know they aren't all like that, but lately, it seems to be that way for me).
Anyways, this is the sort of thing I am thinking about while watching the snow fly outside my 4rth floor window this morning. The sky is falling and I am finally coming to terms with my genuine fear of being alone/ letting someone down/ being hurt, so I am only thinking about the fun part.
I hate first dates because I never get the job.
ReplyDeleteAlso I live in a small town so everyone knows who dated who and you will always find out who your date ended up with instead of you.
Don't worry about who you're hurting. When you go on a date with someone you don't owe them anything in that regard and they're not worried about hurting you.
I have a slightly slutty technique: If you're really into the person you get just a little busy with them, find out what you need to know, and then stop yourself and say "I'm sorry, I'd really like to see you again so I don't want to ruin it by going too far." You get to know if the chemistry's there, you get to state your desire to be with the person physically and it's a great way to signal your desire to continue seeing them without the awkwardness of asking if they'd like to go out again and then wondering if they mean it when they say yes because you've told them your feelings and wrapped them in a compliment.
If they get awkward and you think they don't want to see you again you can just laugh and say "of course if you don't want to go out again we could go all the way right now" and just enjoy the one night.
Don't tell anyone I do that.
My good friends Ken & Eiric met in the bushes at the arboretum in Seattle... they only had fuck dates for the first week & they have been together for 25 years.
ReplyDeleteI met my husband in our socual circle & new him for years before anything happened between us... that was 30 years ago.
I completely agree with you. I also think that movies are to blame for some of the impatience. Like when a bad part of your life starts, you should have the ability to fade out and then fade back in 6 months later, when the worse has passed and you've gotten back on your feet.
ReplyDeleteI so often fall into bed with men who aren't worth the effort, but I still fall a little even if it is only a casual thing.
I hate all the awkward beginnings and would love to just fall into love with someone who also falls for me...or if not love, friendly lust. :)
Friendly lust is great but I find there's an awkward period when the lust disappears where they want to act like they don't know you and then when they get over that you can go back to just friendly.
ReplyDeleteAnd then you have to be the bigger person to make sure that the post-lust friendship takes root.
Still if you're not dating I think that's the best option.