the final chapter of a mediocre love story.

The weather yesterday was like something concocted in a cauldron, called forth by a wiccan high priestess.  It was insanely windy, cool, dark with a spattering of rain mixed in. it had been a long day, so I took a hot bath, put on my pajama's, lit some (well, a lot) of candles and crawled into bed with a glass of wine, Fleetwood Mac and a book.  My windows were shaking (I had never properly put them back together when I removed the air conditioner last fall)  so I opened them a crack. Instantly half of the candles blew out and the room suddenly felt haunted.  It was electric.  I was about to get up and relight them when the phone goes off. I knew instinctively it was dan. A month will go by and I still know when it's him.  Our last conversation consisted of me telling him "this ship has sailed" and that I had moved on.  

"how are you?"

"well, you?"

"well too.  should we hang out soon?"

"I don't know, should we?"

"I think so, yes. ;)"

"It's always on your terms, and in all honesty, I am just not feeling the one sided nature of things."

"I understand, I really do.  this is no excuse but I've been traveling a lot... work sucks. I'm moving, building a house,... just a lot going on. There isn't a magic reason why I haven't been available, but it's been tough."

"when/where are you moving?"

"st.louis, three weeks."

and I should add that at this point I felt like he had punched me in the stomach.  His building overlooks mine and I always have this hope that we will bump into each other on the sidewalk, some day when I am looking impossibly good.  But now, that building will just be a reminder, instead of possibility.  I felt heart broken.

"well, then we should probably have one last really good go at it before I never see you again."

"your call. ;)"

"I'll text you next week."

"ok, goodnight."

And just like that, the cool reserve I had planned to maintain has melted away and I am feeling the sweetest things and experiencing the lust of a teenage boy even though I know this will not end well.