The weather yesterday was like something concocted in a cauldron, called forth by a wiccan high priestess. It was insanely windy, cool, dark with a spattering of rain mixed in. it had been a long day, so I took a hot bath, put on my pajama's, lit some (well, a lot) of candles and crawled into bed with a glass of wine, Fleetwood Mac and a book. My windows were shaking (I had never properly put them back together when I removed the air conditioner last fall) so I opened them a crack. Instantly half of the candles blew out and the room suddenly felt haunted. It was electric. I was about to get up and relight them when the phone goes off. I knew instinctively it was dan. A month will go by and I still know when it's him. Our last conversation consisted of me telling him "this ship has sailed" and that I had moved on.
"how are you?"
"well too. should we hang out soon?"
"I don't know, should we?"
"I think so, yes. ;)"
"It's always on your terms, and in all honesty, I am just not feeling the one sided nature of things."
"I understand, I really do. this is no excuse but I've been traveling a lot... work sucks. I'm moving, building a house,... just a lot going on. There isn't a magic reason why I haven't been available, but it's been tough."
"when/where are you moving?"
"st.louis, three weeks."
and I should add that at this point I felt like he had punched me in the stomach. His building overlooks mine and I always have this hope that we will bump into each other on the sidewalk, some day when I am looking impossibly good. But now, that building will just be a reminder, instead of possibility. I felt heart broken.
"well, then we should probably have one last really good go at it before I never see you again."
"your call. ;)"
"I'll text you next week."
And just like that, the cool reserve I had planned to maintain has melted away and I am feeling the sweetest things and experiencing the lust of a teenage boy even though I know this will not end well.