22 October 2009

Eric, (my unraveling)
I can mostly  remember a year and a half of waiting endlessly for you or all of the hours spent on a late night train just to see you. That shit eating  grin on your face when you would see me or when you would win a pool game. Your eyes were crazy bright when you were truly happy.  Introducing you to  my best friend Pete  his first night in Atlanta and him freaking out how beautiful you were. Days spent in bed, forcing myself to be naked all day even though I wanted clothes and a made bed so badly.  You reminding me how much I looked like your frat brother (even showing me pictures our first night in bed).  You making that horrible macaroni and cheese for EVERY SPECIAL OCCASSION and me always politely saying that I loved it.  That shitty Celine Dion song and the way you would play it over and over for me and hold my hand in the front seat of your car and always play it when we were saying goodbye. I just didn’t have the heart to say I never liked her but I suppose it did grow on me. You  putting your arm around me in public and beaming.  Your ex fiance leslie and that tone she took with me, as if I was the one who broke it off with her.  You always running to be with her and leaving me alone whenever she called. I think I knew it was going nowhere but you would get that twinkle just often enough to make me stay. This is ridiculous obviously, but I never thought I could find anyone who was as good looking as you. I was a mess by the time you went to NJ just to get away.  I remember lying in the sun at Piedmont park watching the ducks and taking poloroids, realizing how sad and needy I had become most of the time.   My phone not ringing for days and days, all the way up to the day you returned.  You had decided nothing of course and I still was hung up on your eyes  so things  just continued as usual even though neither of us were content.  I wrote poem after poem for you and you would always giggle and wonder where I found the time.  Winter breaking and the feel of the sun on my skin and I was running miles and miles around the city instead of always waiting for you to call or show up.  I was so young and hopeful with such faith in Love  and myself  that  it just didn’t dawn on me that I might not be able to make this one work out.  Walking into the bar in November and seeing Pete kissing you and you leaning into him.  I bought a one way ticket to Texas the  next day when  I realized it was really over. And you cried and your eyes were on fire and I felt nothing but excitement to leave Atlanta and you.  (Sometimes it’s best just to make a clean break)

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like a difficult time in your life. Glad you had the sense to leave when you "realized it was really over".